Build Your Own Love Spell (for any type of relationship)

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Step One: Timing

The best timing for your spell depends on your desired results.


  • For a purely sexual relationship with no romantic feelings, perform the spell on a Tuesday.
  • For a romantic relationship of any kind, perform the spell on a Friday.
  • New moons are an especially powerful time to do any magick related to bringing new things into your life. Because this spell is for drawing in a new relationship, the new moon would be the perfect time for it!
  • Full moons are ideal for any spell that needs an extra power boost, or any spell dealing with a major life event. If you are using this spell to attract your soulmate/twin flame or a marriage/committed partner, I would recommend doing it on the night of the full moon.
  • Of course, you can do any spell at any time, but working with weekdays and lunar phases does add some extra “oomph.” 
  • If you have recently gone through a breakup or are still struggling with past heartbreaks, I highly recommend doing some heavy cleansing, releasing, and/or cut and clear work before attempting this spell.


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Step Two: Choose your candle based on the TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP you desire.


  • For a purely sexual relationship (hook-ups, one night stands, friends with benefits, etc.), use a red genital (penis or vulva) candle that matches your desired partner’s gender identity.  [Note that I said to match the candle to your desired partner’s “gender identity,” not “genital anatomy” — using a genital candle does not exclude the possibility of trans or nb partners! It’s simply a way to introduce sexual energy into the spell.] For people with no gender preference, use an erotic couple candle (candle shaped like two people having sex).
  • For casual dating or romance in general, use a figure candle that matches the gender identity of your desired partner(s). For people who do not have a gender preference, use a heart-shaped candle, or a plain taper candle. Use pink candles for relationships more on the fun/flirty side, and red candles for a relationship more on the sexy and serious side.
  • For a serious committed relationship, use a red “marriage” candle (single candle shaped like a bride and groom standing side by side) that corresponds to both your gender and your desired partner’s gender (i.e., a straight, gay, or lesbian marriage candle). For those who do not identify with a single gender and/or don’t have a preference for their partner’s gender, use two red heart-shaped candles — as the wax melts and runs together, two hearts become one, just like in a committed relationship.
  • For loving, supportive friendships, or to simply attract the energy of love to all areas of your life, use a pink coach or taper candle.
  • If you do not have access to shaped candles or need to be more subtle with your craft, any red candle will work for any of these intentions. (Except for friendship, in which case a plain pink candle will work.) And, as always, a plain white candle can substitute for anything in a pinch. 


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Step Three (Optional): Burn incense for the specific TYPE OF ENERGY you want to infuse this relationship with. (Note: diffusing essential oil is a good smoke-free substitute for incense.)

  • For sexual passion: cinnamon (to attract a dominant lover), clove (to attract a submissive lover), or any aphrodisiac blend
  • For romance: vanilla, rose, or any love blend
  • For a chill, laid-back relationship: lavender
  • For a relationship that contributes to both partners’ spiritual development: frankincense


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Step Four: Write your statement of intention (aka petition)

  • On a piece of paper, write out a description of the type of relationship you want to manifest. Write as if you already have this relationship. (For example, “I have a healthy, satisfying, ongoing sexual relationship with no strings attached,” or “I have a loving, romantic, committed relationship with a partner who brings out the best in me, who is a skilled communicator, and who wants to build a future with me,” or anything in between.) This paper will go under the candle when you perform the spell. 


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Step Five: Basic Love Spell

  • Surround the candle with fresh or dried rose petals for romance, attraction, and sensuality. Use red rose for a deeper and more passionate connection, or pink rose for a sweeter, more innocent love. [Note: pink roses are also associated with friendship — you would simply enchant them for friendship instead of romance.]
  • Place rose quartz near the candle to amplify feelings of love and compassion. 


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Step Six: Personalization/Extras

This is the fun part! You can choose additional herbs and crystals to add to your spell based on their correspondences, to make sure you attract exactly the type of lover you desire!

  • To specifically attract men: jasmine or lavender
  • To specifically attract women: catnip or ylang ylang essential oil
  • To remove obstacles and/or emotional blocks that may prevent a healthy relationship: peppermint, lemon peel, or lavender
  • For a fun, playful relationship: orange peel or strawberries
  • For honesty and clear communication: peppermint, parsley, or rosemary
  • To attract a partner who is good with money: basil or nutmeg
  • For sexual passion and a fulfilling sex life: cinnamon, ginger, or vanilla
  • For commitment/monogamy/marriage: apple, cilantro, or rosemary [Note: to attract someone who specifically desires marriage, you can set two cheap costume wedding rings in front of your candle.]
  • To attract someone who wants children with you: raspberry (for women), pumpkin seeds (for men), baby’s breath (non-gendered)
  • To attract someone who does NOT want children: mugwort (natural abortifacient, historically used to prevent pregnancy) that has been charged with your intention to avoid having children. [This may not be a common magickal use of mugwort, but it is in line with mugwort’s medicinal properties.]
  • To attract a spiritually aware partner: frankincense, amethyst, or an image of the High Priestess tarot card 
  • To attract a soulmate or twin flame: a “twin point” quartz crystal (a single crystal that terminates in two points, also called “double terminated”), two pieces of white ribbon or thread tied together, or an image of the Lovers tarot card


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Note: If you are trying to manifest a soulmate or twin flame (basically, a romantic relationship that is connected to your life’s purpose and/or spiritual development), I would avoid using any other correspondences. These types of relationships deal with the concepts of destiny and soul contracts, and they require a certain amount of blind trust in God/Spirit/the universe. If you ask the universe to send you a soulmate, you are going to get the person you need — not necessarily the partner you’d pick out for yourself. 


Step Seven: 

  • Now that you’ve written your own custom love spell, it’s time to perform the spell! The specific ritual and incantation is up to you — make it personal, and do what feels natural! 

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